I know there are people who decide they need a little extra cash so they look around their house for something to return to Wal-Mart. It doesn't matter if they have a receipt. It doesn't matter if it's new. It doesn't matter if it's from Wal-Mart. They bring it all...
Just so everyone knows, there is nothing you can say that would make it ok to return a thong. Thongs are a gamble. "It rides up in the back" or "It snapped" are not reasons to return a thong. Whenever we do come across a thong among our returns, we're supposed to fill out a damage form saying why it was returned and then take it out back to the claims department. Instead, we take the longest coat hanger we can find and use it to flick the thong into the garbage. That's as much contact as I'm willing to have with used underwear. I wish I could do that with all the clothes that get returned. I know what torture they go through just in our fitting rooms: frenzied arms and legs stretching and ripping the poor quality fabric, garish make-up rubbing off on the unattractive prints and finally being tossed inside-out on the filthy floor. I can't imagine what they go through in people's homes. I've never worked on a farm, but I think working at the fitting room is probably a lot like herding cattle to and from their stalls. My chances of training the customers to pick up their clothes are about the same as teaching the cows to shovel their own manure. I'm not really supposed to say things like, "Unless you're going to lose 30lbs between here and the fitting room door, let me save us both some time" or "The old lady section is over there" so I just have to watch helplessly as bargain-hungry behemoths try to squeeze into whatever is on sale and sassy seniors shake their ancient moneymakers in the latest booty shorts and tube tops. Mercifully, we have finally sold the last of our summer clothes. The old girls can only show me so much in sweaters and cords.
Despite the signs in the bathrooms claiming that Wal-Mart prosecutes shoplifters, it very rarely happens. Usually the security guys rough you up a bit and then a policeman comes and tells you you've been very, very bad; not an entirely unpleasant experience overall. And so people continue to steal with enthusiasm and creativity. Our store has the honour of having the highest incidence of internal theft in the province. I recently ran into an old work chum at the mall. I wasn’t sure what to say ("So... stolen any good stuff lately?"). The last time I saw her she was being escorted from the store after she stole $2,500 worth of merchandise in the course of two months. She had been studying the security system for months, she had a decoy locker in the staff room and an entourage of family and friends to smuggle things out. We remain Facebook friends only.
Her story was quite the scandal at the time. I remember working at the fitting rooms shortly after it happened. I was standing there relating all the details to my fellow gossipy co-workers when one of the security guys ran up and asked me which fitting room the blonde girl with the pink shirt was in. As usual I hadn't been paying any attention and had no idea what was going on or who he was talking about. I tried to appear helpful by going with him into the fitting rooms to investigate. Because much of the store's theft takes place in the fitting rooms, all the doors are supposed to be locked at all times. All 7 doors were wide open. The floor of one room was littered with empty make-up packages. I helped by saying "I think she was in here". He took off running toward the front door. My incompetence allows yet another teenager to have the lipstick and eye shadow she so desperately needed. My cooperation with theft prevention improves when the cute security guy (who is also a firefighter) is working, but only marginally.
