Shake It

I was watching TV and saw an ad for the shake weight. Like everything else I see advertised on TV, I wanted one. But things on TV cost money. I decided to make my own weights. I used toilet paper rolls, a shitload of spare change and duct tape. As I sat on the floor constructing them I tried not to think about how poor I am. The good news is they kind of shake. The bad news is I'll probably need the spare change for bus fare at the beginning of the month.

In the interest of meeting new people and being sociable, I went out with a girl from work and her friends on Saturday. She and her one friend were very nice and fun. The second friend lulled me into a false sense of security by graciously sharing her wine so I was completely unprepared when she turned out to be a raving lunatic. It was probably my mistake to go with them to The Dome. It was Pride week and also the night of the Black Eyed Peas* concert so the place was crazy. We waited in line for an hour. My new "friend" passed the time by screaming at the bouncer every time he let in old or unattractive people. Despite this, we were still granted entry when we finally reached the front of the line. The Dome was absolutely packed, but this girl thought there were not enough white guys and complained very loudly that she was being hit on by only Asians and Middle Easterners (For the record, I didn't notice anyone of any race expressing even mild interest). She started drawing attention with her boisterous racism and I was pretty sure we'd probably be murdered or at least beat up. Mercifully, the club closed and everyone scattered. I thought we would be able to control her once we'd escaped to the street but somehow she managed to get in a fight with a woman over a cab and rounded off the night slapping a gay man. So yeah, don't drink with people you don't know.

*My parents were in town last weekend and my Mom shared a hotel elevator with Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas. Apparently he had to prompt her to press the button for the floor she wanted. She wasn't starstruck, she just forgets things.

That's Her

Should I be concerned about this:

I was walking down my street. Two guys from the house next door were waiting at the bus stop. After I walked past them, one said to the other "That's her."

Now what could that possibly mean? I don't look like any celebrities. They saw me leave my house so they knew I lived next door. Have I been a bad neighbour? I don't play loud music, I don't smoke outside (anymore), I don't put garbage out on the wrong day.

I became paranoid that the only things they knew about me were things they learned by watching me through my windows which, as friends have noted, have no blinds. I wasn't paranoid enough to actually put up blinds. This happened several weeks ago and I've only just now gotten around to putting up some sheer curtains...basically what I'm trying to say is if you find any naked pictures of me on the internet, let me know. Thanks.

Infomercials, The Best of

If you think you suck at life, take a look at these morons.

I'd Tap That

I can't think of anything to write so here's some pictures from my most recent trip home to the country. It turns out there's all kinds of fun activities right in the woods behind my parent's house! Chopping wood, checking to see if the honey bees are up from their winter nap, tapping maple trees and collecting sap... I didn't really do any of those things, but I took some pictures so it looks like I did.