Pumpkinheads

I went to visit the Valley folk for Thanksgiving. A raucous time was had. Every year I am in charge of the family name draw for the Christmas gift exchange and every year certain people try to cheat, trying to score those easy-to-buy-for names. I have to be pretty strict.

On the way home we drove through Kentville, home of the Pumpkin People. Someday I hope to live in small town with an equally charming claim to fame. When I saw this picture I wasn't happy that I looked fatter than the pumpkin musician wearing an oversized man's shirt stuffed with a whole garbage bag full of leaves, but I got over it, and enjoyed two pieces of pumpkin pie when I got home. The guy on the ground? I just got finished kicking his ass.

Plucky Criminal Continues to Dominate Blog

If the readers of this blog are anything like my family and co-workers, they want to know about Shorty. Everyone I know asks about Shorty before they ask about me. Even my mother. I don't blame them; Shorty leads a more interesting life than I do. I don't know how a minor inconvenience became a pivotal character in my life. He's the Joe the Plumber to my Barack Obama. He has become something of a legend in my family. Relatives gather around the phone when I call to hear about his latest exploits. So here are some Shorty Fun Facts to ponder.

• He is bilingual.
• He has extensive knowledge of Halifax's sex trade + he has a criminal record. This is pure speculation, but I believe he is/was a prostitute.
• He is the go-to guy for stolen bicycles. I thought the theft of my old roommate's bike from the storage room was a simple crime of opportunity, but anything about stealing bikes Shorty doesn't know isn't worth knowing. Says Shorty, moronically unaware that I can clearly hear his conversation, to one of his buddies, "I can't keep all the bikes I steal in this room. If I did, there would be twelve bikes in here".

Before handing over my rent cheque for October, I demanded the landlord give me a definitive date for Shorty's eviction. I got my answer: November 1st. And because my landlord is a conniving bastard I confirmed: 2008. I can't wait! Will it actually happen? Will the police be involved? What will Shorty take from the house as a souvenir? Will he sneak back into the house that night seeking revenge? Stay tuned.